"And that as you lay down your life, truly you will find. And that as you pour out a blessing upon those who have spitefully used you- upon those who have abused you, upon those who seek your life and your reputation- you will become free.
And so beloved, when you are so weak and so vulnerable but relying upon me, then you are made truly strong. So lose your life, my child. Dare to lose your life and you shall gain that higher thing which is life and peace and communion in me."- 'Journal of the Unknown Prophet'
To those of you who don't know me, I don't hate people. I have faith that most are good and truly do have good intentions. It's not hard for me to love those who despise me because of my faith or those who don't understand my reasoning. It's not a struggle for me to love souls from any walk of life.
But there is one person on this earth that I absolutely hate.
Not like a playful or exaggerated hate like, "Oh my gosh, I hate mushrooms." This isn't just a strong dislike or preference. This hate is a burning in my belly, like a "We better not meet in a back alley" kind of hate. I hate his character, I hate his intentions. I hate that I allowed him to take parts of my heart and I hate that the pieces he left for me are still broken and in need of restoration. This festering hate has been present for several years. I've been gripping this grudge for so long my hands ache...
Two months ago The Big Man upstairs told me I have to love him...
And I said no.
In my stubbornness I told the God of all creation that I didn't trust Him with that part of my heart and I claimed that I could fix this on my own. I disobeyed and completely ignored what He commanded all of us to do... To love. Needless to say, he didn't agree with my answer and has continued to pursue the shattered pieces that I have been unwilling to give up.
"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart."(1 Peter 1:22)
When I first read this scripture I was blown away. Are you freakin' kidding me? I can't just say that I love him and get it over with? I have to want to love him? I have to love him from a heart that doesn't hold a grudge, a heart that has forgiven his offenses?... I have to love him in the way that Christ loves me?...
His love for humanity was so fierce that He died so we could be closer to Him, we have all rejected or failed Him at some point in our lives but He still runs after us. He wants to capture every heart, including the one I hate. His call to love wasn't a suggestion- I have to love with a furious love. I have to look past the wrongs and grow to forgive him and myself.
I do not love this man. Not yet, anyway. But I understand that I have to. I'll work on this forgiveness thing and strive to possess a pure heart that is being refined by Christ.
"And as you lay down your rights, beloved, and as you lay down the fear
and the insecurity, and as you stop in your futile attempts to defend
all you hold dear- so the torment shall cease and the peace shall arise
and you shall find that that which you were unable to protect, when it
is given into my hands- I will protect."- 'Journal of the Unknown Prophet'
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